What I really meant was that even when I'm complaining to everyone about my art not being perfect enough and that I'm afraid of starting school because that would mean having to compete, He is still true to His promises.
A year ago, God promised to use my art to change people's lives, to give them a paradigm shift, to give them a revelation of who God is. A year later, now, my painting skills have only improved slightly and I felt insecure about how well I can do because everyone else's art seems to be much better. They have better ideas, better textures and skills. Basically, I felt like I didn't belong.
So here I was, complaining to a few friends about how terrible my art is ( yes I do realise the present-past tense thing but I'm too cool for that) when I decided to do my quiet time. I was playing the guitar, praying spiritual stuff like God to help me increase in love, joy and peace and cat food for my cat when suddenly I decided, why not complain to God? Yes, I was that depressed. Complaining to everyone.
I started off with reminding God ( and everyone knows we don't have to remind God) that He promised me He was going to use me to do prophetic art and that through my art, lives will change and people will get a revelation of who God is. Then, I complained about how nothing seems to be happening, my skills are still the same and everyone is better than me yada yada. Me being me, I started to announce that I won't let my insecurities eat me up and that if it's God's will for my skills to stink then so be it but my security will be placed in Christ Jesus and that I'm more than a conquerer in Christ. Then, all of a sudden, I quoted Paul: It is when I am weak, then I am strong.
That was when I got a revelation and started crying like crazy. He told me that it doesn't matter how my painting looks, if my skills are terrible or not, if I can even paint to begin with, He told me that He will still move through my art, He will still move because it is not the paintings, it is Him. He uses the weak to shame the strong, the foolish to the wise. God is really a good God, He really is. I don't know how many times have I repeated this but truly truly the God I serve is a good God. Even when I give up on myself, He doesn't give up on me. Even when I beat myself up, He holds me, stops me and wakes me from moroseness and gives me life.
