God is really good.

Even when I'm bad.

Oh yeah.

What I really meant was that even when I'm complaining to everyone about my art not being perfect enough and that I'm afraid of starting school because that would mean having to compete, He is still true to His promises.

A year ago, God promised to use my art to change people's lives, to give them a paradigm shift, to give them a revelation of who God is. A year later, now, my painting skills have only improved slightly and I felt insecure about how well I can do because everyone else's art seems to be much better. They have better ideas, better textures and skills. Basically, I felt like I didn't belong.

So here I was, complaining to a few friends about how terrible my art is ( yes I do realise the present-past tense thing but I'm too cool for that) when I decided to do my quiet time. I was playing the guitar, praying spiritual stuff like God to help me increase in love, joy and peace and cat food for my cat when suddenly I decided, why not complain to God? Yes, I was that depressed. Complaining to everyone.

I started off with reminding God ( and everyone knows we don't have to remind God) that He promised me He was going to use me to do prophetic art and that through my art, lives will change and people will get a revelation of who God is. Then, I complained about how nothing seems to be happening, my skills are still the same and everyone is better than me yada yada. Me being me, I started to announce that I won't let my insecurities eat me up and that if it's God's will for my skills to stink then so be it but my security will be placed in Christ Jesus and that I'm more than a conquerer in Christ. Then, all of a sudden, I quoted Paul: It is when I am weak, then I am strong.

That was when I got a revelation and started crying like crazy. He told me that it doesn't matter how my painting looks, if my skills are terrible or not, if I can even paint to begin with, He told me that He will still move through my art, He will still move because it is not the paintings, it is Him. He uses the weak to shame the strong, the foolish to the wise. God is really a good God, He really is. I don't know how many times have I repeated this but truly truly the God I serve is a good God. Even when I give up on myself, He doesn't give up on me. Even when I beat myself up, He holds me, stops me and wakes me from moroseness and gives me life. 

He is the God who loves. He loves.

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.

This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.

Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.

On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.

Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.

Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.

Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.

Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.

Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

St Pierre, Martinique.

A beautiful town on an island known as the Paris of the West Indies. It was an island made up completely by volcanic explosions and lava over the past thousand of years. In 1902, a huge volcanic explosion from Mt Pelee killed the entire town of St Pierre. I wondered and asked God why did He let that happen. They only had 3 minutes to escape before the shockwave and fumes hit the town, 3 minutes before over 30,000 lives ended. The only man who survived was a man who was thrown in their version of maximum security prison; 1 meter thick walls so that he won't be able to escape again. He survived with terrible burns and he was found on the brink of life and death.

Their lives were serene and laid-back by the sea. Although Mt Pelee erupted a few times in the past, they were small enough to ignore. The governor refused to evacuate the people although smoke and ash were filling the sky, lightning storms were occurring and the night sky looked like it was on fire. He refused to evacuate them in fear that it will affect the political voting that was about to happen in 5 days.

I got curious and checked out a few websites on St Pierre in recent times. Although catholicism is still their main religion, witchcraft has found its way into their island. Full of cults and voodoo practices, I'm not sure about what was it like before the eruption but I have a feeling it was something similar to it as they celebrated carnivals with something similar to mardi gras. Was it because of the abundance of sin that is why God had to destroy their city when the sin was at its fullness? The bible say that when sin is ripe, when sin is at its fullness, it leads to death. Is that why St Pierre was destroyed? I have no idea, however, my heart breaks and mourns for them. I want them to know the fullness of God. That He is a God who loves and saves and a God of second chances. 

Lord, send me and I will go. Send me to these places, I want to go. I'm called right now to be sent into my workplaces and schools, but send me Lord, I want to go. Train me up in my school, in my workplace, in my home. Train me to be bold and courageous, to preach to anyone where ever I go. Let the truth and the gospel be on my lips, let me be marked by Your hand and love. Train me so that I will not fear because I know You are with me. I want to be where You are, I want to love You and do what is on Your heart. Lord, send me, I will go.

Yesterday, I had a good time fellowshipping with Tieng. She said something that I really agreed with. What she said was that there are people who are preaches who preach, evangelists who evangelize, prophets who prophesy and healers who heal but a true son and daughter of God can do all of these things. 

Basically, she is saying that she doesn't want a professional label or a specific thing that she does in God's kingdom because as a daughter of God, we can do all of these things; not just one. I really want to come to the place of being a true daughter. Many times because of our own carnal egoistic nature, we tend to subconsciously convince ourselves that God needs our help when the truth of the matter is that God doesn't need our help, He even want our help. He wants a relationship with us. We do things not for the sake of helping God but it is because we love Him, we want to do what is on His heart.

Last night, Austin also explained to us about what does fruits really mean in the bible, he told us about what exactly a high call meant. When he talked about fruits, many of us think that it is the number of people we've brought to Christ, the number of sheep we had and how well they are doing; he explained that these are not fruits but in fact they are the result of the success of our ministry. What fruits really are is the fruits of the Spirit. Long suffering, patience, kindness etc. The high call of God also does not mean that there is a "normal" call but it is relative to height. Heaven is above and earth is below, so a high call usually means something to do with full-time ministry or the mission field; closer to heaven in respect to height. However, a secular calling like the market place is an earthly calling. It doesn't mean that the full-time is better than the market place, it just means that in terms of height, it is closer to heaven's calling. Austin explained that if a person called to drive a taxi and preaches to every customer is compared to a pastor, the taxi driver might have more riches in heaven instead of the pastor if he obeys everything that God has commanded him to do, whereas if the pastor might have missed some things and didn't obey God.

I really enjoy fellowshipping with Tieng and learning from the leaders. Sometimes, I only get to learn from them once in six months. Like a really sit down and just eat and talk about the kingdom. I value all these experiences and try to learn as much as I can whenever because the next one is probably three to four months away. I want to learn so much more about God's kingdom and the bible and I want to see the supernatural become natural in my life. I don't want to just talk but I want to walk the talk, I want to live like the apostles in Acts. I desire and long for the day to see Jesus and rejoice and love on Him and to just sit at His feet and gaze at Him.

I don't care if people call me flakey or fake or too into the spiritual things. It is our birthright, we are meant for so much more than what we are living now. This is my birthright: a daughter of the Most High.

Hi, it has been long.

What have you been up to? Chasing butterflies in the park? Dancing and wading into the moonlit streams?

I know what I have been doing.

I've been living.

I've been alive.

God spoke to me quite a bit throughout the week. He reminded me to trust in Him, to believe in Him. I was taught, I understood but I could never fully believe that anyone could protect me. It took a whole night of terror, not friday ( for those who know;D), a whole night of not being able to sleep for me to learn that valuable lesson.

Then, on Saturday, before I went to work, I decided to find a book to reread: Understanding Prophetic People. In the end, I couldn't find it. What I found was instead, a book by Bob Sorge. A book I bought but never completed. The Fire of God's Love. I was amazed at the content; you know sometimes we already know something but we never really thought about it until a book or a person brings it up and you realise "Hey, I knew that, I just never thought about it before!" and you start appreciating the goodness of God.

_______________________________________________________________

Anyhoo, on to more light stuff, I've watch Voyage de la Vie and it was spectacular! The dudes were so handsome and the girls were all so slim and flexible. Makes me want to ask if they have a vacancy part time in USS so I might able to catch a glimpse of them again. I've got some photos but I'm too lazy to upload it; I really want to paint but my brother used up all my paper palettes and I'm too lazy to get some more. His birthday is coming up so I'll have to save up. Oh well, it's a pretty boring post. I promise something interesting soon!

I know, I know, I'm lagging behind because I've only just watched POTC: Stranger Tides on my mac. I downloaded it donkey years ago but only recently did it hit me that I have yet to check it out. Surprisingly, God spoke me to through the movie; not once but twice.

There was a scene where Captain Hector and his men were approaching mermaid waters- everyone starts panicking and a man ever jumps overboard just to avoid his terrible fate. In the midst of this, Hector calls for order and the well rehearsed lines that came out stunned me:

And a few of them started to cheer.

And with each sentence of confidence that rolled across the deck, it empowered them and though they were acting; it was obvious that they knew who they were serving. It encompassed them in such a way that that was their very core identity. It emboldened them and gave them the strength to continue sailing the seas toward their imminent deaths.

The next scene that struck me was when Hector and Blackbeard fought against each other in the cavern of the Fountain of Youth. Jack stood up before they fought and asked why was everyone going to fight against each other for the sake of two men. One of the sailors agreed and kept his sword whilst the others stood there, as if mortified by the very thought of abandoning their captain. The captains proceeded to yell out the command to fight and bloodshed ensued. What I did not get was that me being me, I would have let the two men sweat it out, perhaps grab a lemonade or two whilst they fought, cheering from the sidelines.

Then, it dawned upon me. The crew found their sense of identity in their captain. Their hope, their dreams and ambitions are all placed solely on this one man. They would give up everything for him, they were almost as loyal to him as the roman soldiers of Alexander the Great. Without this man, there was no reason to live unless they found another captain. All they wanted was someone to lead them; they would be more than willing to go over to the other captain's side as soon as their own captain died.

I remember this one time, Austin spoke to us about security. He said that we should be secure in God and secure in ourselves. He said that we should be secure in ourselves more than in God because perhaps if one day God ( captain) were to disappear ( which is virtually impossible but this is just an analogy so stay with me), and if our security were in God, we would have nothing and be insecure. If we were secure in ourselves and, again, if God (captain) disappears ( impossible), we would still continue living and still know who we are. Yet, even as we are living and God is still here, are we fully depending on Him and giving Him our dreams and ambitions, is our hope in Him?

Also, if you are going through a difficult time, if you feel like disappearing from church, if you feel that you will never make it out of whatever darkness surrounds you, let me ask you this:

Therefore, will not the grace and empowerment of God be upon us to succeed and claim the victory that rightfully belongs to us?