All this huffle and buffle of the Hangout Project, the template I have to do up and just over thinking if I should still celebrate my birthday is getting to me right after camp. It gets taxing for awhile but even with all the mess around me, I decided to share with you, yes you, about how I felt about camp and exactly what I learnt.
Pastor Ted and his wife were incessantly preaching about the sex life of Christian husbands and wives which got a little too RA and non-applicable to most of the youths who went. I thank God for Pastor Nicky who preached on the last night.
For a very long time now, I thought I was doing okay; filled with the Spirit, actively going to church and serving in my ministry, take care of a few girls in my cell, helping plan outings and settle conflicts. It sounds and looked like I was doing well. No one said anything about me not doing okay, I went to church with a smile on my face and came home contented I did my part. You see, I failed to realised what I was becoming. I was turning into a professional Christian.
A professional Christian doesn't mean they don't love God and only serve for the sake of serving. I still love God and I still want to serve His people; however, there is this one thing that professional Christians tend to lack and they never notice until something happens: they lacked the love of God. They are still able to function as Christians, but they are crippled to the point where they find loving people a chore. They are led to believe that they are still loving God and they love Him by serving. However, God doesn't want us to turn into slaves and laborers. In fact, that is the last thing He wants and He doesn't need that. He just wants us to stop, wait on Him let us let Him love on us. Do you get it? Have you been turning into a professional Christian?
On the last night of camp, Pastor Nicky gave an altar call about wanting a more intimate relationship with the Holy Spirit. I was hesitant about responding at first but I responded anyway. A lady prayed for me and she prayed something like finding my identity in Christ and for God to reveal Himself to me in a more complete way. In my head, I was thinking: Hold up, wait what? I know I am a daughter of God and I'm secure of that, I know nothing will ever change that. Are you sure you're hearing from the Holy Spirit?
After she prayed and me agreeing to it; which I have no idea why I even uttered amen and yes Jesus when my entire head is filled with the conflict that I already knew who I am in Christ, I went and prayed for a fellow zone member whom I felt God ask me to pray for. He/she was all the way at the other end from where I was so I had to cross over bodies on the floor, tears and snot on the expensive carpet. After praying for her/him, I was about to go back to my seat when I felt led to just stand beside her and worship God. Suddenly, Newson came over and laid hands on me and prayed exactly the same thing as the first lady! He was spot on when he said that I've been feeling dry and I haven't spoken more than two words to him in my life! He then prayed for God's love to overflow and me seek God and He will reveal Himself to me. I was dumbfounded for a good three minutes as he kept praying, it was almost exactly the same as the first! I stood there crying and crying and after he went on to pray for some one beside me, immediately Pastor Nicky came and prayed just two sentences for me: More of Your love, let Your love pour out on her. It was all about the love of God!
After sometime, I was just standing there, almost bended over, crying and crying and crying. I never realised how much I have missed God, all this serving and serving has drained me dry and I've been living in a lie which told me I love God and thus I serve Him to the point of breaking. Then, a lady with a slight english accent came and prayed for me, exactly the same thing. I wailed and half yelled; I don't know if it was "deliverance" but it sure felt like it. I couldn't control my crying and wailing, I felt like I was being squeezed into God's love, it was overbearing, too much, yet bittersweet all in all.
I came home from camp knowing these things: You are never too "mature" to let God love on you and that I will never want to be a professional Christian but a lover of God. Don't let serving to the point of breaking deceive you that you have enough of God's love. We can never have enough.
