Zoie Esther.
Fine Artist in the making. 18.
"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind" -C.S Lewis
May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 October 2011 February 2012 March 2012

Becoming a princess 07:24 Sunday, 4 March 2012
Post a Comment
This is the pledge I am taking, which I have created, that I may live in righteousness, love and a life of empowering others. Feel free to take the pledge with me if you are saying: God, I want to live a transformed life, I know it will be difficult but I believe You have given us grace to empower others and I acknowledge that You have empowered me. I pray that You'll draw me closer to Your heart to know you more and to love You more so that I may love the people around me. I believe Your Holy Spirit is here to guide me and I accept whatever correction and discipline that God will do in my life. My life is in Your hands and I am ready for You to mould me. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

From today onwards, I hereby commit to being a woman of valor; full of love, wisdom and understanding. I will live my life only to please the One above & I recognise His death as a declaration of His love for me. I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, an amazing person in His eyes. I don't have to compare and compete with my peers but I am secure in who I am made to be in Christ Jesus. I will love people and accept the ministry of reconciliation and not of judgment. I accept the call of God to be a vessel and a voice to the broken, unwanted and needy. I will put on the full armor of God and fight the good fight, I will win the race and obtain the crown that He has prepared for me. I accept this call for purity in our world and will do what I can to protect the people I serve. I will remember His commandments, to love our God with our heart, soul, mind and strength and to love our neighbours as ourselves. I will demand nothing of others but all of me. I will learn to let God love on me and learn that there is nothing wrong in doing nothing. I accept the help of the Holy Spirit and His guidance in my life. With all these I believe that God will empower me to accomplish all these and become the woman that He has called me to be. For I have been crucified in Christ & it is He who lives in me, He has given me a new heart, I am a new creation.

I am free.
Random Rad Thursdays 19:43 Thursday, 9 February 2012
Post a Comment

It's been a long time, my pretties, but I'm back. Went on a random thursday with Nad & Pet to a pizza place and got hair extensions on a whim. Pet got her second ear piercing and we danced in the middle of Fu Lu Shou complex. It was a good day. See ya'll soon,

Where did the love go? 02:41 Friday, 21 October 2011
Post a Comment
-I'm being totally honest and transparent, if you think you will feel stumbled by this then please do not continue.-

Today started out as uneventful with my mood almost alike to that of the weather this early noon. I was feeling really crappy about myself for many reasons, with many doubts flooding my head. I was thinking of how I never get recognised no matter how much I do in school. When people come to my space, they walk right pass my artwork and go straight to my studio mates'. It really discouraged me, made me feel insignificant. It continued, this mood, all the way until about 3 o' clock when I started to sing christian songs, praises to God. During this entire episode, I was asking Him what were my hands for, why am I so talentless. He reminded me of how He gave me hands to love then to paint. It was only when I started to love my friends, love the people around me again, then my mood started picking up, then I felt better about myself, and then, I realised I was painting better. This entire half day also served as a note to remind me, everyone wants to be significant. They want to be useful, to be recognised, to be praised. They want to make their mark. They need to be affirmed and loved. I realised I need to be more than someone who says I'll be there for you. I realise, I really do need to be there for them. Like physically, meeting them up. Letting them know, see, feel that I am there and that I really do love them. It's more than just lip service with God, it's more than just lip service with people as well.
South-bound train 23:49 Thursday, 13 October 2011
Post a Comment

Hello everyone, I am back.

There are many things and people I have to apologise to in my life; not blogging is not one of them. I would first of all like to say that I am sorry to the people I have turned down to meet for the past four months. I'm sorry to the people who have seen the ugly side of me. I'm sorry to those I have been insensitive to. I'm truly truly sorry.

God has really been teaching me about time management; I've been juggling work, school, cell group, friends and family. I think right now, I'm doing a good job with an exception that this whole new feat has honestly made me into a cold blooded uncaring creature. I am being brutally honest about myself here; not self pitying but rather, letting you know what exactly has been going on in my life.

I realised that my words really can cut, even if I said it in a one off, casual way. My tendency to complete sentences for people has left me in a state where they get irritated and, because of my brute honesty, are afraid to tell me. I have forgotten to love. To be patient. To be kind. All this because I am too organized with life, everything too set in stone. 

I compartmentalize too much of my life, in fact almost all of my life, to a point where I become unfeeling and only open up when I need to. I've become a machine and it has been killing the relationships I have with people. I demand, I take, I am human. I'm learning and asking God to help me soften my heart again.

I am, once more, sorry. 
Especially to these few precious souls in my life: Jing Wen, Yu Wen and Su Tieng.
I choose to name names, not to favour, I cannot be bothered with that; they just really mean so much to me, I don't know how to express. I need to constantly remind myself that I am first and foremost a believer and a friend of Jesus Christ then the daughter of my dad and finally a student of Lasalle. When people cut me open, they should see love flow out.

I need to learn to love even more. I need patience.

"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become as sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though i bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing." - 1 Corinthians 13:1-3
Beautiful revelation 22:34 Sunday, 24 July 2011
Post a Comment
God is really good.
Even when I'm bad.
Oh yeah.

What I really meant was that even when I'm complaining to everyone about my art not being perfect enough and that I'm afraid of starting school because that would mean having to compete, He is still true to His promises.

A year ago, God promised to use my art to change people's lives, to give them a paradigm shift, to give them a revelation of who God is. A year later, now, my painting skills have only improved slightly and I felt insecure about how well I can do because everyone else's art seems to be much better. They have better ideas, better textures and skills. Basically, I felt like I didn't belong.

So here I was, complaining to a few friends about how terrible my art is ( yes I do realise the present-past tense thing but I'm too cool for that) when I decided to do my quiet time. I was playing the guitar, praying spiritual stuff like God to help me increase in love, joy and peace and cat food for my cat when suddenly I decided, why not complain to God? Yes, I was that depressed. Complaining to everyone.

I started off with reminding God ( and everyone knows we don't have to remind God) that He promised me He was going to use me to do prophetic art and that through my art, lives will change and people will get a revelation of who God is. Then, I complained about how nothing seems to be happening, my skills are still the same and everyone is better than me yada yada. Me being me, I started to announce that I won't let my insecurities eat me up and that if it's God's will for my skills to stink then so be it but my security will be placed in Christ Jesus and that I'm more than a conquerer in Christ. Then, all of a sudden, I quoted Paul: It is when I am weak, then I am strong.

That was when I got a revelation and started crying like crazy. He told me that it doesn't matter how my painting looks, if my skills are terrible or not, if I can even paint to begin with, He told me that He will still move through my art, He will still move because it is not the paintings, it is Him. He uses the weak to shame the strong, the foolish to the wise. God is really a good God, He really is. I don't know how many times have I repeated this but truly truly the God I serve is a good God. Even when I give up on myself, He doesn't give up on me. Even when I beat myself up, He holds me, stops me and wakes me from moroseness and gives me life. 

He is the God who loves. He loves.
The friday I won't forget 05:24 Thursday, 21 July 2011
Post a Comment

Yes, it was last Sunday, but I only got around to posting it today. I was cooped up all day at home today; it's an unbecoming habit- sadly. I was so bored that I decided to make dinner; IKEA meatballs with my own improvised risotto. The rice was a little undercooked but it still tasted awesome. I honestly cannot wait for tomorrow to come, hopefully I get to go out tomorrow.

I really need to watch how I spend money. My entire allowance is all gone now and I don't know what did to it. I didn't buy any new clothes or accessories. It must mean I spent it all on food. This is not good. I need to get healthy!
Introverts 20:27 Wednesday, 20 July 2011
Post a Comment


Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

with love,